C'MON RICKI! PUSH! I CAN SEE THE HEAD....IT'S A....A....WOLFBOY?!?!?
I was channel surfing one night last week looking for something, ANYTHING to watch. Movie channels? There were two Dolph Lundgren movies on the HBOs going head-to-head against each other. What kind of programming is that? Don't make me choose between the one where he's the retired military guy blowing shit up and the other where he plays the bad cop with a heart of gold. I'm not sure which one Rosanna Arquette was co-starring in.
I eventually made my way down to the local stations, and it was here that I found a train wreck so amusing that I nearly wore out the back button on the TiVo.
The Mexican talk show "Hasta en las Mejores Familias" airs weeknights at 11 on channel 66, the Univision station here in Chicago. If Jerry Springer and Ricki Lake had a kid, and the obstetricians were Chuck Barris and Judge Judy....well, that's a start in describing just how bizarre this program is. The show is hosted by Carmen, an older lady who looks like the Mexican Rhea Perlman, except she's so tiny I think Rhea could dunk on her. She's very motherly in that "I will beat you with a broken car antenna" manner.
[SIDE NOTE: My espanol is limited to a few key phrases like "donde esta el bano?" and "tienes cerveza fria?", so I have no idea what these folks are arguing about. It really doesn't matter. From what I can tell families come on to yell at each other and have Carmen help sort out their problems.]
Three young Hispanic men stand onstage right behind the guests with their arms crossed, trying to look tough as they attempt to break up the mayhem when los familias occasionally come to blows. They don't even bother coming in from the wings like big Steve on "Springer". For some reason this crack security team wears black t-shirts with their names embossed on the front in large white letters, i.e. "Juan", "Ricardo", "Jose", etc. They also sport those little headsets worn by NFL sideline reporters. I guess they need to be told when to jump into the action. Just to spice things up more, when a fight does break out onstage the technical crew plays those blatantly fake punching sound effects you hear on overdubbed kung-fu movies.
So far I'm thinking this isn't much different than any other trashy talk show. I was about to flip over to Conan when I noticed something as they cut to a close-up of the host. Half the studio audience behind her appears to be made up of circus freaks. I'm talking wolfmen and wolfwomen, a guy with a John Waters mustache and Dumbo ears, and a lady whose face looked like chewed up bubble gum (I swear she made Eric Stoltz's character in "Mask" look like Brad Pitt).
Circus freaks will hook me in every time.
If that isn't enough, we have the two sidestages. Stage right is home to three crossdressers whose pancaked makeup would make Tammy Faye proud. They stand up and scream at the guests every 10 minutes or so. Over on stage left there's some sort of jury made up of three women. A toothless old hag in a shawl spends most of the show napping (with snoring SFX piped in), and a fat blonde with cateye spectacles acts as the stenographer. Best of all though is the pudgy dwarf who bumrushes the guests and threatens to beat them with some sort of pipe while the audience chants "DURO! DURO! DURO!"
I can't make this shit up. Just check it out for yourself and thank me later.
I eventually made my way down to the local stations, and it was here that I found a train wreck so amusing that I nearly wore out the back button on the TiVo.
The Mexican talk show "Hasta en las Mejores Familias" airs weeknights at 11 on channel 66, the Univision station here in Chicago. If Jerry Springer and Ricki Lake had a kid, and the obstetricians were Chuck Barris and Judge Judy....well, that's a start in describing just how bizarre this program is. The show is hosted by Carmen, an older lady who looks like the Mexican Rhea Perlman, except she's so tiny I think Rhea could dunk on her. She's very motherly in that "I will beat you with a broken car antenna" manner.
[SIDE NOTE: My espanol is limited to a few key phrases like "donde esta el bano?" and "tienes cerveza fria?", so I have no idea what these folks are arguing about. It really doesn't matter. From what I can tell families come on to yell at each other and have Carmen help sort out their problems.]
Three young Hispanic men stand onstage right behind the guests with their arms crossed, trying to look tough as they attempt to break up the mayhem when los familias occasionally come to blows. They don't even bother coming in from the wings like big Steve on "Springer". For some reason this crack security team wears black t-shirts with their names embossed on the front in large white letters, i.e. "Juan", "Ricardo", "Jose", etc. They also sport those little headsets worn by NFL sideline reporters. I guess they need to be told when to jump into the action. Just to spice things up more, when a fight does break out onstage the technical crew plays those blatantly fake punching sound effects you hear on overdubbed kung-fu movies.
So far I'm thinking this isn't much different than any other trashy talk show. I was about to flip over to Conan when I noticed something as they cut to a close-up of the host. Half the studio audience behind her appears to be made up of circus freaks. I'm talking wolfmen and wolfwomen, a guy with a John Waters mustache and Dumbo ears, and a lady whose face looked like chewed up bubble gum (I swear she made Eric Stoltz's character in "Mask" look like Brad Pitt).
Circus freaks will hook me in every time.
If that isn't enough, we have the two sidestages. Stage right is home to three crossdressers whose pancaked makeup would make Tammy Faye proud. They stand up and scream at the guests every 10 minutes or so. Over on stage left there's some sort of jury made up of three women. A toothless old hag in a shawl spends most of the show napping (with snoring SFX piped in), and a fat blonde with cateye spectacles acts as the stenographer. Best of all though is the pudgy dwarf who bumrushes the guests and threatens to beat them with some sort of pipe while the audience chants "DURO! DURO! DURO!"
I can't make this shit up. Just check it out for yourself and thank me later.
posted by Brian at 12:15 AM
2 Comments:
This post is obviously a little after the fact, but I just happened to wander back to Tucker's web site & message board a couple of weeks ago (formerly posted as g#siya). I followed a link to the BunnyBlog and I've been working my way forward ever since. Jesus, everyone and their grandmother has a blog. I'm not exaggerating when I say that one can link to a dozen successive TMMB board members just by clicking on names in the comments sections.
Anyway, I did have a comment on Familias. This is a good sedative on those nights I can't sleep. I prefer to watch when Jacqueline Arroyo is hosting instead of Carmen Salinas. She's the one who wears the mini-skirts two inches below her crotch, then sits down next to one of the guests half way through the show to offer "serious" commentary (as far as I can understand it) and then spends the rest of the time wiggling and squirming as she attempts to avoid flashing an upskirt to the cameraman. She is not always successful, but unfortunately they blur out the more revealing incidents with a multicolored bar across the screen.
I wish I knew more Spanish. I haven't figured out the dwarf with the gavel and the rest of the kangaroo court next to her. I live west of Humbolt Park and nearly all my neighbors are Hispanic. I haven't had the nerve to ask any of them to explain the premise to me, thinking I might come off as an ignorant white dude mocking their culture. I think Carmen Salinas used to be an actress of some notoriety, but then we have our Marilu Henners and Suzanne Somers as well.
Whoa, A COMMENT!
g#siya, I remember you from the old board---Lenny Bruce avatar right?
I've turned on "Familias" lately and noticed that wannabe Daisy Fuentes hosting the madness. While she does make for some nice eye candy I still prefer that little troll Carmen instead. She cracks me up.
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