Tuesday, August 03, 2004

I GOT DIBS ON DAT BEEF SAMMICH

I'm heading down to the Ozarks tomorrow on vacation. It'll be nice to get away for awhile, but after a week of "y'all" I know I'll be itching to get back to the city. I mean c'mon....drivers down there actually wave at you when you pass by in the opposite direction. With their hand open and palm facing out.

People in Arkansas are polite, if not curious about Chicagoans. Go to a store, bar or restaurant and say just a few sentences, and inevitably you'll hear "Where y'all from?" followed by "Whut y'all doin' down HERE?".

After I explain we have a summer home in the area they usually follow up with a dumb question about Chicago (or as they like to call it, "Up North").

"Does that big lake freeze over in the winter?"

"Do y'all eat alot of that deep dish pizza?"

"Y'all ever seen Michael Jordan?"

At least they don't ask about Al Capone anymore.

Questions like these got me thinking about the misconceptions people have when it comes to Chicago, and also some of the rules we live by. These are just a few, I'm sure I'll think of more as the mood strikes....


First, say the name with me: "Sh-CAW-go". Our state is pronounced "Ill-annoy". The "S" on the end is silent. Get it right. No one here calls it "The Windy City" either.

But we don't have an accent. You do.

Carbonated beverages are known as "pop" here. Not "cola", "soda" or "soda pop".

Yes, our winters are bitter cold here. We are well aware of this and dress appropriately. If I wanted to sweat my balls off 300 days a year I'd move to Phoenix. Dry heat my ass.

When a stoplight turns from red to green, always pause 2 seconds and look both ways before proceeding through the intersection. Yellow equals "step on it" here.

A big snowfall can only mean one thing: the "dibs" rule. Did you just spend an hour shoveling your car out of a parking space on the street? Well you're goddamn right that's your spot when you come home from work. That's why you put a couple of lawn chairs or an old ironing board there after you pull out. To hold it. Hey, you've earned the right. "I dug it out...I got dibs on it."

[Note that the "dibs" rule is only in effect until all the snow has melted off the unshoveled sidewalks. Then your kid's old rocking horse and those milk crates get tossed onto the parkway.]

2 Comments:

Blogger Brian said...

The blog entry above this one pretty much sums up the trip (with a little boating and jet skiing added to the mix).

NW Arkansas is a beautiful area of the country. If it weren't such a long drive I'd be down there every other weekend.

24/8/04 11:44 AM  
Blogger Brian said...

We're over by the dam.

26/8/04 2:25 PM  

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