MELTS IN YOUR MOUTH, NOT ON YOUR MONTANA.....

I usually drive down through Humboldt Park on the way to my other job out in the western burbs. Sacramento Ave is a nice shortcut to avoid the Kennedy, plus I get to see some unusual characters on a daily basis.

In the summertime you'll find a guy hawking something at just about every major intersection in the city. These street salesmen are young and old, black, white and Hispanic, and they all seem to dress in various forms of thrift store sportswear.

You have the pasty white guy in a ratty Bulls "3-PEAT" t-shirt from '93, the fat black dude in the hottest powder blue Fubu gear from five years ago, and the Puerto Rican cabron who pimps an oversized baseball jersey with his country's flag on the back.

These people aren't just selling those $1 charity boxes of Peanut M&M's "for the Hull House" anymore. Recently these cats have stepped up their game.

I think Chicago's downtrodden have discovered the wonderful world of Costco.

Tube socks. Peanuts (salted and unsalted). Silk flowers. Pine tree air fresheners. Bottled water. CHILLED bottled water. This kid at Sacramento and Grand has one of those huge Coleman coolers on wheels with a handle, filled with iced down bottles of Poland Spring.

But one guy in particular really caught my eye the other day. He was a black man in his mid 30's sporting a faded Mark Grace caricature t-shirt and purple Zubaz. If that weren't enough he had camped out in the median with a shopping cart containing the following items up for sale:

--A ten gallon bucket overflowing with bouquets of roses. They appeared to be freshly cut.
--Six stacked cases of bottled water. No cooler though....he should hook up with that other guy.
--Three framed 24" x 36" posters of Al Pacino in "Scarface". These were leaning up against the cart.
--A cardboard standup display case, straight from the checkout counter at the Rand McNally store, filled with maps of Chicago. This was perched on top of the cases of water.

Talk about one stop shopping.

Best of all he was cradling a large case of the infamous charity Peanut M&M's like Paul Hornung running the power sweep behind Jerry Kramer and Fuzzy Thurston.

As I pulled to a stop I could hear his boombox cranking Juvenile's "Slow Motion For Me". I couldn't help but laugh as he shimmied over towards my car.

Street Guy: "Hey man! You need some water? Dollar a bottle."

Me: "No thanks, I've got my own right here."

SG: "I know you dig Scarface, playa. SAY HELLO TO MY LI'L FREN! Ten bucks. Framed with the no-glare glass..."

Me: "I'll pass."

SG: "M&M's?" The light turned green. "Only a buck...."

Me: "No, I'm lactose intolerant." I pulled away.

SG: "Hey man! I gots PLAINS instead of PEANUTS too!!!"


Gotta love the WesSSSIIIDE.