DecisionElectionVoteWatch2004
Rather than get into political beliefs and provisional ballots, I thought I'd just post my observations from watching the election coverage on the various networks last night.
CNN: Larry King looks like he belongs in Madame Tussaud's, Wolf Blitzer needs a valium, and Tucker Carlson shops at Senator Paul Simon's 1940s MensWear Emporium.
Fox News Channel: Brit Hume sounded like Ben Stein without the sense of humor. They did have some snazzy graphics and sound effects though. I was waiting for weather slut Jillian Barberie to appear and give us the acceptance speech forecast.
CBS-2 (local): This was the only channel I saw broadcasting Alan Keyes' concession speech, where he rambled on about integrity and said he's staying here in Illinois. I wonder just how long he'll be living in Calumet City. A woman (I assume it was his wife) stood behind him, nodded and looked like she'd rather be having root canal surgery. Supporters continually held up "Keyes" placards and blocked the camera's view of the podium.
NBC-5 (local): Political analyist and future department store Santa Dick Kay gave a kinda sorta goodbye/retirement speech. But then he hinted he might be back to cover primaries in the next few years. He may just be the Michael Jordan of political reporters.
ABC-7 (local): Cheryl Burton "interviewed" Barack Obama after his acceptance speech. I say "interviewed" because she acted like a teenage girl at a Backstreet Boys concert. A few more minutes and I think Cheryl might have pulled down Obama's pants and played Kool and the Gang's "Celebration" on his skin flute.
CNN: Larry King looks like he belongs in Madame Tussaud's, Wolf Blitzer needs a valium, and Tucker Carlson shops at Senator Paul Simon's 1940s MensWear Emporium.
Fox News Channel: Brit Hume sounded like Ben Stein without the sense of humor. They did have some snazzy graphics and sound effects though. I was waiting for weather slut Jillian Barberie to appear and give us the acceptance speech forecast.
CBS-2 (local): This was the only channel I saw broadcasting Alan Keyes' concession speech, where he rambled on about integrity and said he's staying here in Illinois. I wonder just how long he'll be living in Calumet City. A woman (I assume it was his wife) stood behind him, nodded and looked like she'd rather be having root canal surgery. Supporters continually held up "Keyes" placards and blocked the camera's view of the podium.
NBC-5 (local): Political analyist and future department store Santa Dick Kay gave a kinda sorta goodbye/retirement speech. But then he hinted he might be back to cover primaries in the next few years. He may just be the Michael Jordan of political reporters.
ABC-7 (local): Cheryl Burton "interviewed" Barack Obama after his acceptance speech. I say "interviewed" because she acted like a teenage girl at a Backstreet Boys concert. A few more minutes and I think Cheryl might have pulled down Obama's pants and played Kool and the Gang's "Celebration" on his skin flute.
posted by Brian at 12:16 PM
2 Comments:
Lenny Bruce avatar. Yes, that’s me. Good memory. Election coverage, once again the local folks proved more entertaining than the big boys did. My comments on the commentary.
Fox News
From the description, you must be referring to Brit Hume. The first time I saw one of his broadcasts I was sure it had to be a MadTV parody. Granted, most national anchors try to capture a touch of Walter Cronkite’s stoic paternal demeanor, but this guy is way over the top. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to convey less emotion than Jim Lehrer. I don’t understand how Fox manages to capture any market share with this guy unless they have stumbled on a way to exert hypnotic mind control over the airwaves. “I’m Brit Hume…you are powerless to change the channel…our reporting is fair and balanced…Sean Hannity is your lord and master…you crave falafel.”
Dick Kay
This self-indulgent drama queen reminded me more of Charles Barkley than His Airness. I have nothing against him, but who really gives a crap what his future plans might be? I feel bad for the rest of the news crew who had to feign interest as he awkwardly clamored for validation with his impromptu career retrospective. Before I flipped stations I was halfway thinking out loud, “Dude, no matter how good you were in your prime, realize that you had your day in the sun, your better days are behind you now, there are plenty of ambitious young bucks waiting to take your place, and your absence is not going to make much difference. Bye, and have fun on the links. We will call you if we need you.”
Cheryl Burton
This was the funniest thing I saw all night. Your groupie analogy couldn’t be more spot-on. I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if she declared her undying love and told him that she wanted to have his babies. That is, right before bending over and presenting unencumbered posterior access to the senator elect with the urgent request to “Fill ‘er up Daddy”, live camera be damned. Mr. Obama seemed quite aware of her over-zealous adoration and even a little embarrassed. A person cannot easily wind down from that level of excitement without some release. I wonder who got to be the lucky recipient of her lust by proxy later that night.
Dan Rather
This election season has been this guy’s undoing. Contrary to popular opinion, it seems to me that some of his recent missteps are not so much the result of an underlying political bias as they are an indication of a less than firm grip on his faculties. Does CBS have random drug testing? I make no claim to be a good judge of the hallmarks of substance abuse, but his manic/scattered behavior election night went a little beyond too many cups of coffee. More like eight ball, corner pocket. He was making me jittery watching him. He should have tuned into Fox news during commercials to calm his nerves, or maybe he just needs to embrace his inner-Republican. He must have met President Ford’s wife during his career. He just needs to take the first step (or 10) and call her.
Good stuff Casual. Nice catch on the Brit Hume.
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